Don't Assume the Best

I have been knocked down hard.

When that happens, you learn a lot about people. Things you never noticed before start to make sense.

Someone can be kind to you today and change tomorrow. Their feelings change. Their circumstances change. Their interests can change too.

I used to think that if someone was kind to me, I could trust them straight away.

It turned out I still had more to learn.

A conversation that made me pause

One day, I spoke with a pious man from Jakarta. We talked about assuming the best of people.

What he shared made me pause. All this time, I thought I had understood it.

That conversation helped me understand. I should hold on to my hope and trust in Allah’s goodness. Allah is Most Good, Most Forgiving and the Bestower.

With people, I need to get to know them first. I should not place my trust in someone too quickly just because they seem kind to me.

Barely acquainted, already trusting completely

Sometimes we have only just met someone. They speak well, treat us kindly and make us feel comfortable.

Before long, we are sharing all sorts of things. Personal matters, secrets, everything. We feel we can trust this person.

I have done that myself.

I had barely got to know someone, yet I had already given them my trust. I thought that because they were kind to me, they would stay that way.

But people can change.

That is why I am learning to start from a neutral position. I do not need to assume bad intentions, or immediately trust someone completely.

Get to know them first. Watch their actions. See how they handle responsibilities, and whether they actually do what they say.

When someone repeatedly shows honesty and kindness, trust can begin to grow. Gradually.

If their actions keep hurting us, we need to learn to be careful.

I still choose to be kind

I do not want painful experiences to make me think badly of everyone.

I still want to be kind and treat people well. When it comes to trust, I just need to give myself time to know them first.

I do not need to tell someone everything or share every secret just because we feel close.

I have also learned not to place too much expectation on people. When they change, we feel disappointed. We get hurt because we trusted them completely.

My heart’s dependence is on Allah.

These lessons come from my own experiences. I am still learning to understand people and, at the same time, to protect my own feelings.

Have you ever experienced this? Someone you trusted turning out to be the person who disappointed you most.